#I'm fairly certain i used to do this kinda thing where i did a post talking about my year in reflection

[randomwords247]

Another year passed and gone, can you believe it?

I always like to try and reflect on the year nearer the end like this. I had a lot of things I wanted to say in a video, but because of some irl problems this december I haven’t been able to finish it in time, so instead I’ll say a few things here

As much as this year has definitely had its fair share of downs, particularly in December where quite a lot has gone wrong irl for me, I still feel this year 2022, for me at least, has been a much better year than those in past. Yes it’s had it’s problems but it’s also had so many good things happen, and I’ve felt a lot happier than I have in past years.

I’m hoping this’ll keep up in the new year of 2023 and that things will be a lot better and I’ll have a lot more time and energy to draw more, because goodness this year I had a bit of a drought didn’t I? Don’t really wanna keep THAT up

I think overall this year was alright, and that in and of itself is an improvement over past years with how bad they’ve been for me. Ofc this is subjective and just my own experience, I’m sure for a lot of people 2022 sucked or was even better, but I think I’m content with how things have gone, even if december HAS been testing me in that regard

Have a good one folks, happy new year =)

[artistic-argonian]

TL,DR: Being autistic and overwhelmed by touch sometimes and wanting it other times is weird. Throw sensual attraction in the mix and it becomes even weirder and I'm still processing it all.

Long explanation below the cut.

Realising more and more every day how strange and contradictory it is to be an autistic person who doesn't like being touched by strangers or just randomly without warning or permission (even by family), but also really enjoys and somewhat craves close physical contact with people.

To an extent it makes sense, like I wouldn't want a complete stranger or someone I don't know very well to just hug me, but even with people I'm close with I internally freak out if I'm approached from behind, for example. I sit with my back to the wall most of the time in restaurants after an incident with family members and friends constantly touching my hair as they walked past years ago that made me very uncomfortable. Touch can be overstimulating for me in situations where I'm suffering from sensory issues. But other times it's really soothing for some reason, like when I'm upset or feeling low, I love the warmth and sensation of being held tightly. Or on the rare occasion someone's either put cream onto or just scratched my back for me (I have to have medicated lotion put on my back where I can't easily reach by myself) I love it and don't want it to stop.

Somehow I'm simultaneously the "don't touch me or I'll freak out" and "please crush my soul into my body" kind of autism depending on my mood and the situation, as well as the person/people. I don't really get physically close with people outside of my family, mainly because I don't feel I'm emotionally close enough to/it'd just be plain awkward with anyone I know IRL, or the people I am close enough with to feel comfortable are all online and live very far away from me.

Realising I have this desire is so weird because I used to think I was just "no touchie" with everybody, but it turns out there are people I like being close like that with. There are people I want to hug hard when I get the chance to meet them and I want to be held by (especially with realising I can experience what I believe to be sensual attraction, which makes that desire even stronger with certain people). And that opens a whole new issue of potential awkwardness; not wanting to seem like some kind of weirdo or creep because while saying "Hey if we ever meet IRL I'm gonna hug you" is fairly normal and something I've said to most of my online friends, I worry it'd be weird for me to be like, "Hey if we ever meet IRL, I not only want to hug you, but I want to cuddle and embrace you. I want to hold you close and feel your warmth around me and be physically affectionate in a casual, platonic, yet intimate way. But only with explicit permission/consent because I know a lot of people probably view that sort of thing as strictly romantic or even sexual and I really don't want to make things weird between us."

Like I'm still struggling with the thought/feeling of wanting that, not knowing if it'll ever happen (because distance), and being afraid of it being too weird for the other person if the chance ever did arise so just not doing it or bringing it up anyway. I feel like this post already makes me look a bit unhinged in that regard so I'll leave it there. A long, kinda aimless rant, but there you go.

[antianakin]

I saw that in the tags of my post about Bariss and Ahsoka you said you think Ahsoka should've been the bomber. So, out of curiosity how would you have had the Wrong Jedi arc play out with this premise in mind?

I've actually already written it and the tag for it is darksider Ahsoka AU.

Basically, Ahsoka is pushed so far in her guidance under Anakin that she just gets fed up with the Order (same general motivations as they gave Barriss in canon, it just makes more sense when it's Ahsoka) and she tries to frame ANAKIN for it so that the Order turns on him and he has to leave. Except that Anakin is better at proving his own innocence than Ahsoka is and it doesn't go well. Anakin figures out it's her but instead of getting caught and sent to prison, he just refuses to leave with her and then basically lets her run and she spends the next 15 years or so just kinda being a loner out in the galaxy, having to hide her connections to the Jedi. I imagine she winds up having to take jobs like bounty hunting sometimes because she just needs the money and work and she's got the requisite skills.

Eventually, she meets up with the Ghost crew during the Rebels timeline and it's the first time she's interacting with a Jedi since the Temple bombing and it hits her HARD (she's been a selfish person kind-of languishing in darkness for a while, but the part of her that used to be a Jedi ACHED when Order 66 happened and has mourned that loss the entire time but she's refused to acknowledge it as such and so it's basically a steadily bleeding wound that never heals). She can't help but keep coming back to them when opportunity allows, even though she's always kind-of an asshole and pretends like she doesn't like them. Ultimately they all end up on Malachor together and Ahsoka has to see Anakin as Vader, but she's SUCH a different person that she doesn't try to stay with him. She's ANGRY when she sees this truth, caught between fury that he only left the Order AFTER she did, that she wasn't ENOUGH for him to leave the Order for, and horror at what he did to the Jedi and what he's still doing to the galaxy. She ultimately just leaves with Kanan and Ezra rather than staying on Malachor and then comes back with them to Chopper Base where she joins the Rebellion on a probationary basis.

This is also the AU where I just roleswapped Barriss and Ahsoka, so Barriss ends up becoming the Rebel spy who comes into the Rebels storyline around season 2. I believe I called her Pyrite instead of Fulcrum, though. She also is WITH Luminara when Order 66 happens and so Luminara is never captured by the Empire and used to lure other Jedi to their doom. I'm fairly certain I ended up having Luminara and Barriss discover and rescue Reva and Trilla from the Inquisitors and took them on as apprentices of sorts, so Reva and Trilla are ALSO Jedi by the time Rebels is happening.

This means that Barriss is around when Ahsoka joins the Rebellion and it ended up a Barrissoka AU eventually.

It's an AU I came back to a lot to kind-of explore how a bunch of different characters are impacted by this change and what their thoughts are on Ahsoka (and Anakin) within this new universe. I haven't come back to it in a while, and things sort-of evolved as I kept thinking on it, so it may not be super coherent, but the bare bones concept is still one I like a lot.

[misc-catgirl-anatomy]

administration/housekeeping post

i edited the pinned post to reflect this but making a post by itself abt it anyway:

What's going on?: pluralposting! Which is to say i've had some introspection and realizations and stuff about How I Am and the best description for it is some kind of plural system.

so yeah. blog is K [the kinda "original"/host/whatever identity] and Quince [writing now, the new girl]; both are she/her, and you can refer to the both of us as singular 'she/her' (outside of discussions that are specifically about plural stuff where ''they/them'' is appropriate for ''statement about both K and Quince in a context where otherwise a statement could be about only one of them'' purposes)

What does this mean for me, a follower of this blog?: next to nothing. I [Quince] probably won't be writing on this blog a *whole* lot; while I certainly have my horny moments, that's a *little* more K's thing than mine. To the extent anyone might want to interact with this blog, you can pretty much structure your interactions as if you'll be interacting with K--we probably won't do anything to specifically identify interactions as being one or the other of us, and I can respond in K's stead for mostly anything that might crop up (where she might be a little less competent in responding in my stead)

Did you name yourself after a fucking fruit? Fuck off! For slightly serious, while I've been kicking around in some form or another for years and years, the kinda... crystallization/synthesis/realization of what was going on when we felt certain ways only happened fairly recently and...

i've been really into HDG lately and a plant name felt appropriate. Quince is a really sour fruit that needs a lot of sweetness to be good but can really improve sweet things when you add it to them. Which feels right so i'm using it

[alpinefrsh]

Hi!!👋

One of the first scenarios that popped into my head when I first read TIITTV (I found this series around the time part 5 was posted), was a Drista vs Krang kind of fight. And then I realized Drista may be invincible by default, but that doesn’t mean she’s all that dangerous. (There’s a difference between dangerous and deadly, Dris is definitely a little deadly) So I let the thought go pretty quickly. But I fell down the rabbit hole again and was like, ‘hey, what if we put the deadliest characters from each world in the same room and see who was more dangerous?’ Then I thought: XD as dsmp’s most deadly/powerful. But when considering XD’s powers, it made me realize how little he actually uses them. And that’s when I went back to Drista. Because listen, XD may be more knowledgeable about his powers(and therefore is more able to restrain them in power), but, what is essentially a ‘baby’ god… Drista is the personification of Chaos for a reason. She’s as trigger happy as a 14 y/o logging onto her older brother’s Minecraft server through his account and going crazy with operator commands. (See what I did there ;>)

I thought about this a bit too much and I honestly have no idea anymore. There is an unexpected amount of stuff to consider about the SMP gods, and also a bit about Krang too. Thoughts :D?

Thanks, hope you’re having a good day/night! <3

Hello!! o/

Oh, dude, that'd be kinda sick actually. Buncha flashy weapon and potion summoning shots. But yeah, not that she'd know how to actually use them effectively, lmao, she'd have no need to ordinarily.

Hm, I could see an AU where Drista decided to go along with Tommy to check out where she was sending him- but we slide back the timeline a little bit to take place during the Krang invasion. We place some slightly arbitrary limitations on Dris where she can't make another portal right away, but it's too dangerous for them to just sit around doing nothing, hence, joining the fight.

Hm... I'm not sure how much I'd want to take away the main fights from the original rottmnt cast, pretty big part of Leo's character arc in particular, but I could also see Tom and Drista clocking that the big alien flesh ship up in the sky as the probable source of their problems. Drista could hypothetically fly up and help with some portion of the fight, even if that's just by throwing down splash potions to help Leo and hinder the Krang.

I mostly like the thought of her and Tommy tearing up, like, krangified busses and shit. Both because it's badass, and because it doesn't interfere too heavily with how the original storyline plays out.

Alternatively- Krang 2 (the sister Krang) is still on earth in government confinement or something. If she were to break out, she'd likely want revenge on the Hamatos, and especially April, no doubt. I... Have some things that haven't happened yet that would technically make contacting the members of the dsmp possible, but I can't say anything about it yet because it's a pretty big spoiler.

But when things go sideways, Tommy could hypothetically use this unspecified method to contact some godly assistance from the dsmp. So that's a pretty feasible way of setting up a hypothetical fight between one of the Krang and Drista. I doubt she actually has much genuine combat experience, so I could more so see her acting in a supporting role for the others- ooh, she could have a cool scene where she summons a thunderstorm and starts fighting by summoning lightning.

It'd be hard to hit such a fast moving target though, so it's not a completely overpowered ability. Possibly have to get the Krang to stay still for a few seconds to land a shot on her?

Anyway, that's about the extent of my ideas for this concept. Although I'm fairly certain I'm not going to be involving the Krang at all in this series (outside of being mentioned), it was fun to think through the hypotheticals :D

You as well! <3

[celestialsun123]

Okay, tumblr is my ‘safe space’ other than my room, so I’m going to talk and anyone who wants to can listen. Aka all the stuff I’m gonna say will take up a lot of room so take a look under the ‘keep reading’ if you care enough to lol

There are a couple of JIC trigger warnings: mentions of church/religious settings (not talked about in a negative way), doctors, uhh there’s a time where I talk about someone yelling at me?

without further ado, here's my vent for the day.

I stress out so much over liking anything posted by autistic people. I’m so sorry, I have literally nothing against you, I just freak out for no reason cause once I heard someone on YouTube say ‘if you aren’t autistic your opinion is completely invalid here’ and I’ve taken it to heart 🥲

I will go to like a post but then go ‘wait… that explicitly says it’s about autistic people/autism… I can’t! I don’t count!’ (And I am so salty about stuff like that cause I’ve thought to myself ‘well what if I’m agreeing about something that they approve of?’ But it still isn’t enough to justify it to myself.) (again, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST Y'ALL)

I was considering asking my doctor if I should get evaluated for stuff but I also really don’t want to because what if they just say ‘nope, you’re normal. Why’d you even bother?’ And I KNOW I’m not neurotypical because I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and there is no WAY it’s normal to feel like your entire day has been completely and utterly ruined by someone not telling you clearly that if you didn’t go eat the leftovers of your family that you wanted, it’d be passed on to the others.

Oops, that’s not where that was meant to go, but I’m keeping it.

My original point BEING, I have a feeling I don’t JUST have GAD, I wanna get evaluated for Autism and ADHD, but the imposter syndrome (can I even use that here? I’m not autistic so does that mean it’s… rejection or something?) is too much and I’m gonna wimp out of bringing it up to the doctors. I’m fairly certain I have ADHD tho, cause everything I’ve watched I’ve basically agreed with. (And yeah, the internet isn’t good source material, but there are some good people on there.)

Also I'm so worried that I'm just copying people. Like, I didn't used to stim until AFTER I learned about autism and ADHD, so what's to say that I'm not just copy pasting? And that's not genuine and it's probably also rude.

Oh and on the topic of being too sensitive for my own good, let’s talk about how I deal with people scolding me. (Other than my parents.)

I genuine want to cry any time it happens. I had some pretty bad experiences of that kind of thing (maybe like 3-4 years ago?) and they happen to be some of the only clear memories I have of pandemic times cause everything kinda blurs together from that time. The clearest one and the one that affected (is that the right one?) me the most was when some of the neighborhood kids got in trouble for hurting each other from a tree in my sibling’s best friend’s yard. I was a witness, but I wasn’t paying a ton of attention to the situation. The sibling’s best friend’s mom asked me to tell my version of the story, so I did. I tried my best not to twist anything and to make it clear that I wasn’t sure about anything. Without me noticing (cause my back was turned) one of the kids mom’s (the one who had done the potential hurting) came up behind us and started yelling at me for ‘lying for no reason’ and ‘being rude’ and how ‘her kid would never do anything wrong, so if I wanted to go tell lies for fun she would go and tell my parents.’ Y’know, the kind of thing you tell semi-kids.

So from then on, I tend to have to choke back tears when not my parents scold me.

Another time (this week actually) was when I was scolded for acting my age at church. Now, I’m not a CHILD, so I see where the person was coming from. But I was also having fun with my friends. We were joking around, and one of the old people came up and scolded us. I thought I was fine till I got home and then realized that stimming in any way, even in my room, now felt childish and horrible and like I shouldn’t be doing it. (I’ve gotten over this, I’m back to normal. Ish.)

So yeah. I guess I take things too seriously? And it REALLY frustrates me. Like I can’t just let things go, can I? No, cause that’d be EASY.

Also, don’t you just hate it when you feel the urge to stim (hand flapping specifically in this case) but your muscles/wrist is in pain for no explicable reason?

[mysticonsheadcanons]

Can you do Season 7 where Mallock created a powerful monster that can master dark elemental abilities

The thing is, Mallock isn't my OC, but rather another Tumblr user's. Since you asked anonymously, I can't know if you're the one who created Mallock. As I don't use other people's OCs without permission, I am waiting to get permission to use Mallock. I reached out to Mallock's creator to ask if I can use him, and if I have permission, I will do the fan season. (on a related note: If you want me to make a post with your OC, please don't ask anonymously)

It will be fan season 6, not 7. I only have done 5 fan seasons so far. Also, keep in mind it will take a bit, as I'm fairly busy and fan seasons are time consuming (I have to plan the season, then each individual episode.) The first episode may be filler, but I'll try to make it plot-relevant. There's a Halloween episode that I was actually going to do, and I'm looking forward to it.

I may also redo some episodes. I'll do my best to write unique stories, but keep in mind that I've written 71 episodes just as fan seasons (My first one was 20 episodes, then the other four fan seasons were 13 episodes each. I subtracted one as I did meeting Sharise twice). And that's not including stand-alone episodes. So, thinking of 13 new original stories may be a challenge, especially since going back to find old posts can be hard, so it's not like I have an easy way to make sure I didn't do a certain idea already).

As for how it relates to the canon, I consider each fan season as a seperate continuity. However, Sharise will already be a Mysticon for this fan season, as not only do I not want to write another Sharise joining the Mysticons episode, but she is also the main focus of my Halloween episode, so she kinda needs to be there.

[doberbutts]

So, apologies ahead of time for the phrasing in this, it’s such an awkward thing to word. I saw your post earlier that mentioned the first hint you had about being intersex was with your size, which is something that kinda made me go... huh. Huh. Because I also am on the larger size there - enough so that it can become really uncomfortable with tighter clothing and cis female friends I’ve discussed it with have expressed.... surprise? Disbelief? Vague concern? It’s also fairly common for the women in my family to start growing light facial hair in their 20s. After getting top surgery, my voice dropped a little too, just enough to be noticeable - which is something that I’ve never heard anybody mention as even like, a possibility. My mom’s always told me that I (and one of my sisters) probably have a little higher testosterone than “other girls” but it wasn’t a big deal. But now I’m not so sure.

Anyway I’m planning on trying to start T this summer (ironically when I mentioned this to one of my friends he said he thought I was already on T) and I’m just curious if there’s anything you’d recommend mentioning or looking into that might help me figure out if I might be intersex too??? I always kinda shoved it under the rug because I don’t feel like I look particularly ambiguous (even post op I don’t really pass as male) and I’ve never had any physical health issues that would tip me off, but these little things keep coming up and it’s always nagging in the back of my head. Regardless, thank you for sharing and talking about everything you do, I hope you’re having a great day!!!

Well first I want to say: natural variation exists for both male and female anatomy, and thus the question becomes "how small can a micropenis be before it's an intersex problem instead of just a man with a very small penis" and "how big can a clitorus be before it's an intersex problem instead of just a woman with a very big clitorus", which is very hard to quantify and often there are other, adjoining factors.

I have always been, ahem, on the bigger side. When i was young, I was convinced it was just a very small penis and it would grow into being a regular penis whenever my "balls dropped" during puberty, having no idea how puberty for boys works. Suffice to say that didn't happen (though there is an intersex variation where it CAN, believe it or not) and even before T as an adult I needed to keep pubic hair a certain length or the hair would catch under the hood and be *incredibly* uncomfortable, plus it's large enough that when I started wearing men's underwear which has a 😏 pouch 😏 on the front I noticed a dramatic increase in comfort.

I don't have sex with vaginas and don't even like looking at them or reading about them in porn so I didn't really know what size a clit is "supposed" to be until my ex was like "not that big". Eventually I did try to have sex with a girl and that ended spectacularly poorly but she was certainly smaller than me.

When I pack (which I can't do bc my dick is busted) I use a brand that is specifically made for trans guys on T and for cis dudes with micropenises, and again, even before T it was useable as a sexual pleasure device. I'm sure now, especially since I've gained some size, it'd fit me even better.

So you are "big" but are you "that big"?

As far as getting your own answers, nothing for it but to go to the gyn and an endo and tell them what you've told me. That's how I did it, and I got a solid answer after several years of looking for a doctor that would even listen to me, within about 3 weeks of pursuing diagnosis.

[naneun-no]

It's kinda weird that the discussion is always on if jikook will ever officially come out because I'd selfishly like to see it and I think it would be earth shattering but I'm also not expecting every time I think of it I think of the namjoon who's gonna save the world vid. The point though is that Yoongi has been skirting a very thin line of not closeted to anyone with common sense but not officially™️ out and it's never a discussion on if he's ever gonna take that step it's always will jikook announce their relationship like that's not an even more complex conversation as for losing respect for them I think that parts wild because I really don't think that's something they owe anyone but I think I'd gain respect if any of them did ever went that route it doesn't seem impossible but again I'm not expecting it I don't even expect it from American celebrities and they are very decidedly not American

Hmm…that second sentence was one heck of a run on. Who are you, me? 😉 Bear with me, trying to follow you here.

I too think it would be earth-shattering. Between you and me (and anyone who reads this) I have this secret fantasy of the two of them showing up as a couple at the Met Gala. Idk why, I just feel like they would look amazing and it would be such a moment and I’ll just let it live on in my heart and mind since it will never happen in real life. Lol 😂

I’m honestly not sure which Namjoon video you mean… you’re not talking about the UN speak yourself speech are you?

It sounds like you’re saying that people put too much pressure on Jikook to come out not only as queer but also as in a relationship with each other, and you think there should be more of a balance and Yoongi should get some pressure too? Honestly… I’m not sure I’m seeing that pressure, or discussion like you referenced. Maybe the jikookers I follow are just exceptionally respectful, lol, but for the most part I see people understanding and accepting that we may never get confirmation of this relationship, and that honestly, we aren’t owed it. For the most part, jikookers (again, the ones I follow and interact with) are a respectful bunch who tend to have a fairly firm grasp of realistic expectations and cultural nuance.

You mentioned “losing respect for them”… like, if they don’t come out? I’m not sure what you’re referencing but I agree with you that it would be wild to lose respect for them over that. They are their own people and like you said they owe us nothing when it comes to their personal life choices.

You seem passionate about this and you didn’t ask for my advice but I’m going to offer it unsolicited anyways, so feel free to disregard: if there are shippers you follow who say disrespectful things like this about the guys or imply that Jimin and Jung Kook OR Yoongi need to “hurry up and come out” or something, I would say remove those people from your fandom experience. Unfollow, block, move on. There are times where it is necessary to consume content that is upsetting — like in the case of certain news/ world events or when we have to acknowledge injustice, etc. But I would argue that it is almost never necessary to consume upsetting content in a shipping space 😅 (editing this to add that I totally get the desire to argue against dumb opinions or behaviors and in fact will often engage with people on here to do just that — so I also encourage you to respectfully disagree with those people who have unrealistic expectations when and if you feel so inclined to do so. Just, you know. Manage your energy and space.)

In terms of the pressure for public figures to come out, @jikook-married made a great post about this recently that addresses the problems with that kind of thinking, I think you should give it a read if you haven’t already (it’s not letting me link her direct post for some reason so I’m linking my reblog of it):

[compressednerve]

Nice to see another scratchalan fan! I was hoping I could hear your hopes and thoughts for Alan wake 2? I’m just hoping we get to see plenty of scratch I’ve seen some speculate he’s gonna be a main villain which sounds great to me :3c ✨

Thank you so much for this ask!! *ScratchAlan is the only ship to be ALIVE for., fellow crazy!!!! Hell fucking yeah!!! We needa make some room for AlanScratch tho, I want to write more Top! Alan because it turns me on. I have a feeling we're gonna see so much Mr. Scratch in AW2 that we might even get sick of him. I don't necessarily want him to be The Main Villain of it in the traditional sense... Mr. Scratch is, ultimately, just another side of Alan... And Alan has *many* sides! >:) We see just a taste of how many Alan's there are from The Signal/The Writer when he can't stop fracturing into further self-persecution. I hope to see lots of different Alan's made manifest, like the Teen Titans "Raven OSDD-1a" episode (shout out to my epic partner @parasitefun for showing me that fucking smash hit).

I have a lot of high hopes and fondness in my heart for Remedy and the development process they've been doing. I was a big fan of Alan Wake in 2013 and I did a looot of RP even in 2015-2017. Crazy shit! I kinda fell off the face of the Earth for a while tho. I've never played Quantum Break, and me and Paras are working thru Control together right now (we're in the Maintenance Sector and it just finished doing the Burn The Trash quest).

We spent most of May/June working thru Alan Wake and we have sooo many things to say on it that we're polishing up because it's such a dense story!! So transitioning from working thru AW with a fine tooth comb, to Control which is like four times the size of AW and has *that* much more to work thru, has been a real treat! Remedy sure knows how to make a good fucking story! It's like a croissant with many, many, many laminated layers to turn around in my head. I'm good at recognizing voice actors, so it made my head explode to realize Matthew Poretta played Darling, and James Mcaffrey played Trench. Like, omfg!! And every new realization along the way that links Control to AW. Just a real treat!

All that being said, I've seen a lot of posts along the lines of like, "Where's Alice!@!!! Where's Barry!!!!!!!" and it's like, will I be disappointed if they are underplayed...? yes. Do I worry that that's a possibility, at all? ...only a little bit! I want to put my faith into Remedy's ability to make this a good story. They've been chipping away at it for 13+ years, after all, and if I remember correctly, The Alan Wake Experience since 2000? As in the conception and development of AW1? So, 23 years entirely... that's a long time to be rotating the same Boy around. AW1 was a masterpiece IMO, a many-layered sandwich of nuance and metaphor, paradoxes within paradoxes... I think AW2 is gonna really surprise all of us.

Alan Wake 2, I'm super curious about what they do with it, and hopefully Mr. Scratch *and* Alan both get room to breathe. I think they will, and I'm so, so intrigued about what they're gonna do with Saga! It seems pretty ambitious for Remedy to do a multi-protagonist storyline like this, and their cheeky insistence that you can play it however you want, there's no wrong way to play, makes me worried. I hope more than anything that they didn't dumb down certain world-building elements (I'm blown away at how we went from TVs, radio show0,s and manuscripts in AW1 to the sheer amount of multi-media that went into Control).

I have in some degrees some fairly bad brain damage that inhibits a lot of my abilities to comprehend certain things, and yet, everything about the way the world-building environment contributes to a Greater Understnding of a Remedy Game that most people tend to ignore or outright complain about! Oh, the TV ruins the pacing, oh I didn't wanna have to stand here listening to someone talk I wanna run around and shoot things, oh boo I didn't like how many manuscripts i had to pick up. It's a little tedious, yes, and it breaks the Pacing Of The Literal Game up a little bit yes, but!!! It's excruciatingly important to the story!! It's a ROLE PLAYING GAME!!! YOU HAVE TO ROLE PLAY OMFG!!!!!! (still salty over how Zero Punctuation reviewed these games considering how fucking detectivey they are).

So anyways all of that being said, I hope that Alan Wake 2 is stuffed to the BRIM with multi-media. I hope we get SICK of manuscripts and casettes and pictures with captions and TV episodes and radio shows and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I hope Saga and Alan have a lot of crazy shit go down with each other because they're also very shippable. I hope Alex Casey calls Alan a shitty writer because he's one of the only obvious "HI, I'M A BOOK CHARACTER INVENTED BY ALAN WAKE. I'M VERY MAD. ABOUT BEING CREATED BY ALAN WAKE."

Ideally I would have played all the Remedy games to be caught up by now on more of the AW2 hype and analysis, because I wish I had more things to say! But because I haven't finished Control or QB yet, I'm trying to stay away from stuff that technically spoils Control just by virtue of being in the AW-verse.

*this is technically a lie because I'm actually a huge multshipper :k lel catch me on ao3 writing about the most bizarre AW pairings just you fuckin wait

[kayla-crazy-stuffs]

Ready you are. You for questions have I!!!!! KAYLA

Now read that backwards :3

Ok ok ok

So was looking at tiny Mer au and found the post about Dream and Foolish. Are they related 👀👀👀

And because I’m fairly certain they are, is Puffy apart of your au and if yes, what is she????

Also it seems you like to paint George as a Villain for a lot of your aus. Just wondering what your reasons are behind that. (I actually think it’s really cool since George isn’t usually utilised as a villian against dream often)

For your Fairy au, do hunters exist in your universe? If so, who would the hunters be and what kind of uses would fairies hold in the eyes of a hunter?

Annnnnddd who and how do the characters come about breaking the language barrier? I know there’s a way to break it but you said it was rare. I wanna know!!!!!!

Surfer dream au, ha suck it George! Serves you right for tormenting Dream. However what changes George’s perspective on humans in the end? And when it does change, what happens with Dream and George’s relationship? I can imagine the tension would be high.

Also, any other characters you want to add to the surfer dream Au that you have yet to add yet? If yes, who and what are they?

Random side questions

Any recommendations for fics you love that you think everyone should read? (I want more reading material lol)

A gt movie you adore

Your favourite Christmas movie and/or Carol

Something you’d like to receive for Christmas

Thank you for answering and here’s many lollipops as thanks for answering 🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

Woooooo! I received Questions!!! >:D Thank you Becky!!!

Yeah, Foolish and Dream are related in tiny mer au; Foolish is a shark mer that is also a sizeshifter but unlike Bad that he's human sized mer and can grow to 60ft tall mer, Foolish is a 4'5 inches tall mer that can only grow to human size.

Also for Puffy, I have no intention to add her to the au, since I'm not used to draw or write about her :')

I don't know in which more au's did I make George a villain but yeah, I kinda want to see George being a villain against Dream sometimes, since usually the villain is Dream, so I wanted to change that :]

Well, actually Fairy au is like the au that has a bit of angst at the beginning (because injuries at all) but is supposed to be a fluff au so I didn't add hunters to it :)

Well, for the language barrier; Karl likes to read a lot so one day, he finds a book where they talk about the "magic forest" and found a section were it was specifically focused on one mysterious berry that no one know its color; there are a lot of them, they have the same form but different colors; all of them are mortal if they're eaten, so that's why fairies stopped trying to find the actual one that breaks the barrier. But what will happen when Karl founds one of that berries and accidentally eat it, just to be able to understand the fairies not much later? >:]

Quackity probably reluctantly hands George something he really likes, saying it's from Dream, who wanted Quackity to give it to him since he didn't want to get anywhere near George. It would also change when Quackity reveals that Dream is actually only 16 and that he has only been trying to kill a kid...

George and Dream's relationship? Well, George would actually try to get closer to Dream but the human would only panic trying to get away from him, hiding behind Sapnap, Quackity or Punz (yeah, Punz and him are friends when this happens), but time to time Dream starts trusting George (slowly but he starts). Also because probably Sapnap and Quackity told him that George is trying to change and apologize to him.

Well, I'm also going to add Foolish to this au too :]

Recommendations?? Uhh... Right now I can't think of any but I'll tell you when I got some :']

Hmmm, Arrietty and Thumbelina (1994) :D

Christmas movie... I can't remember if I have seen any... And Carol; "25 de Diciembre, fun fun fun" (yeah, Spanish Carol UuU)

Cosplays and anime things, any type of things >:]

Thanks for the lollipops Becky!! :D

Have some cookies 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Do you think that an internet writing community of an old-fashioned sort might be better built up on Dreamwidth than social media these days? Your recent post made me wonder, as you brought up livejournal (and also because of how DW kinda forces a specific type of "interact or this site is useless" environment)

I've never used Dreamwidth, so I honestly have no idea. Someone with more experience with that would have to comment.

I know Critique Circle tries to require engagement, but I don't think it really works well in my experience. The old NaNo site and its forums were good, but they redesigned the site and the forums and lost a lot of it, and I don't like what they did with the place. There was an active writing community on AQC for a while that I was part of, but it's long since died. Absolute Write has one, but I'm fairly certain it's less active than it used to be; the same with the forums on Query Tracker.

Forums just seem less popular than they used to be, and a lot of community building and the kinds of communities it fostered have died with it.

There's some sites even today that have active comment communities--hell, even things like Ask a Manager do. I actually had old-school style comments enabled on my blog for the longest time, but you have to actually go to the blog post to actually access the comment threads, and...no one uses those on Tumblr? So I just stopped bothering and ended up removing it during a blog theme retooling.

I just wanna have a conversation with people, and it's getting so, so hard to find anywhere online that allows for it.

I think what would be good to help foster an older-style writing community would include the necessary requirements:

A place where people can post their own work or about their own work in a categorized way

A place to have public comments that are easily accessible from the work/post itself and easy to thread comment conversations.

A violation of the current temporalness of posts online: things need to sit around and not get locked and still be willing to comment on old things and threads.

DMs enabled

Encouraged posting of multiple topics and multiple formats, not just the works themselves

But I think the real problem is that the internet culture has just...changed. People get anxious talking about their writing and work these days. People get weird about being genuine about things. People get weird commenting on older things or letting things sit. People forget about older stuff. People get weird talking in depth about intellectual things. A lot of writing internet communities have taken a total fandom bent and fandom culture would have to be removed from it.

I don't know that internet culture has taken the steps in the direction to foster the kinds of thing I want. People use fanfic for all of their "silly" writing or practice writing or trying new things and all of their original writing is Serious and Important and Very Secret and quite possibly doesn't actually exist.

Forum culture enabled a way to have users talk about multiple things in an organized way that was neatly archived. It enabled conversations of more than one reply without drowning a "feed." It enabled a different kind of culture than most websites today do.

[cadybear420]

ILITW End of Book Questions

From here for @choicesbookclub

If you could change one thing about ILITW, would you? If so, what would it be?

Honestly, most of the problems I have with ILITW are minor nitpicky things. But if I had to change something... I'd probably add more nerve score concequences? While I generally prefer ILITW, one area where ILB definitely has a major leg up over it is that its nerve score system is more complex. There were more consequences to low nerve in the second act of the story than just the moment-of-truth fate trials in the final chapter.

If your MC survived, what are they like 5 years from now? 10? 25? What about the rest of the friends group?

I feel like ILITW, as well as ILB, and ILW canon, covered their futures pretty well. Ava continues the work of Cora, Lucas becomes an environmental scientist and advocate, Lily becomes a video game developer, Dan becomes a therapist. Not quite sure about Stacy and Andy, I don't fully remember their futures in ILB and ILW.

I haven't figured out much of Jo's future yet. But here's what I got so far.

Jo spends the next 4 years staying at home, taking it easy (but also helping Noah/Redfield). I'm still undecided as to whether she'll go to college or not, and what type of profession she might have.

Jo enters a poly relationship with Andy and Lucas during winter break of senior year, and at least 4 years later the three of them get married.

The three of them have agreed to an open relationship when they first became official– Jo has platonic-sexual relationships with Connor and Dan (and Noah, since he gets resurrected in ILW canon), and continues to have one-night stands with a fair amount of other guys.

After graduation, Jo becomes much closer with Andy, while they also maintain a long-distance relationship with Lucas. Jo would sometimes gets very nervous about maintaining this relationship and the possibility of them growing apart.

At some point between high school graduation and the events of ILB/ILW, Jo and Andy get gender-affirming surgeries. Top surgery for Andy, bottom surgery/phalloplasty for Jo. They're very supportive of each other for each of these. Jo and Andy also wear "bottom" and "top" shirts respectively after this, to confuse their friends ("Wait wait wait, Jo you can't bottom to save your life, what does this mean!??!")

Does MC and/or the friends visit Noah (if he is the monster)?

Going by ILB, and ILW's canon, MC and Connor frequently visit Noah to sort of take care of him and keep him from becoming twisted. This is something I can definitely see Jo doing, given she often feels fairly guilty about her choice.

If MC is the monster, what is "life" like? Does anyone visit?

Jo did not become the monster. But let's say there is an AU where she chooses to become the monster. I definitely feel like the friend group (sans Noah, the rest of them would be pissed at him) would frequently go to visit Jo and check up on her.

Any last thoughts about the books? your MC? the rest of the characters?

My review is here. I'm also making a couple of other posts to expand on certain points.

In this playthrough, I definitely enjoyed being able to flesh out Jo a lot more. Back in January/February this year, I did do a playthrough officially using my character of Jo and I did come up with certain ideas for her character and arc. This time, I got to expand on those more. She's even more of a mess than how I originally interpreted her.

That being said, I'm long since overdue for a deliberate failthrough like I did with my first every playthrough. I'm tempted to quickly import my data to ILB and then just do a ILITW failthrough right now, but I also kinda wanna give it some time first. I'll probably be making a new MC for it too. Though I would like to also try a failthrough AU for Jo.

[the---hermit]

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

I have seen this book everywhere in the past year or so. I wasn't super sure about it, but in the end I gave in and got it to see how this novel was. If you have read a couple of my other posts you probably know that gothic horror is by far my favourote genre. There's something about the vibe of those stories that just calles to me, and so anything that gives a similar premise is good enough for me. My opinions on this particular book are a bit torn, I gave it 3.5 stars, right in the middle of the scale. The thing is that I did enjoy my time reading the book, but there's a lot of things that disappointed me. (This is going to be a long one, I have a lot to say).

Let's start with the writing. I didn't mind it, in fact I was excited to pick the book up, and the chapters where perfectly structured so that they weren't too long, and they made the story flow well. Unfortunately I found the story to be very slow. I am not into short paced books, but with this novel I felt that nothing really happened in the first half, which I doubt is a good thing. Plot-wise I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought it was going to be a gothic ghost story, it wasn't. Some ideas of the plot were really interesting, but I'm not sure they were explored as much as they could have (I talk about it more in the spoilery part under the cut), and there wasn't really a gothic vibe. Okay, the house is huge and a bit creepy, but I was looking for that realy gothic horror vibe, and I didn't really find it. A lot of the chatacters were really annoying, but it often served the plot so that's fine. Still I didn't really felt super passionate about any character. So basically it was a fairly good book but it could have had so much more potential.

For those who don't have any idea of what the plot is about here's the base line. The story is set in 1950 Mexico, and our protagonist is Noemí, a young woman with a strong character. After receving a worring letter from her cousin Catalina, who recently got married to an Englishman, her father asks her to visit Catalina to check on her. Noemí goes there to find her cousin in a worrying physical and mental state, in the cares of a family who's vibe is just a bit off. While staying there she will discover more and more about the history of the house and of this family. I will not say more, to avoid spoilers. As I said the premise is really cool, and the result is not bad, but I am left with this feeling that it could have been much better too.

In conclusion I do recommend the book if you are curious, and you want a really (really) light creepy story, but bear in mind that at least for my very humbe opinion it's not a masterpiece. Under the cut I discuss a couple of spoiler-y things so if you are interested read more!

As mentioned in this part I'll write freely and there's spoilers so consider yourself warned.

I want to talk about two main things here. The first one is a very personal opinion, but I am so tired of snakes being used as a symbol of evil stuff. Those who have read a few of my posts might know I am really passionate about symbology, and the ouroborus is a symbol I particularly like (so much that I have it tattooed), so of couse my opinion is not objective. But it's such a meaningful positive symbol, that finding that another so called horror story (which in my opinion wasn't so horrific anyway) uses an occult symbol as something bad. There's a much longer talk we could have on how horror movies fucked up the general perception of other positive symbols like the pentagram, but this is not the time nor place. I just needed to vent and talk about this thing. The usage of occult symbols as something bad in horror fiction has become kinda old in my opinion, and it doesn't really serve anyone. Anyway my overall opinion on the book wasn' t influenced by this.

The second thing I want to talk about is how certain subjects were really interesting but not really developed. The immortality thing is not really a theme I adore, and in this novel I think it wasn't even a surprise, I could have told it was going to be part of the plot quite soon. Still the fact that I didn't love it might be influenced by me not being a hige fan of the trope. The mushroom thing was very very cool. I found it to be very interesting and original, and I wished there had been even more about it. What I was really disappointed not to see as well developed was the theme of eugenetics. When Noemí first meets Howard, their conversation suggested that it might have been a big theme in the rest of the novel and it really wasn't. It was mentioned a couple more times with even less depth than in the first conversation. It was a huge disappointment for me. It could have been a really interesting main theme that could have led to a langer discurse on racism, and I feel like it was such a lost opportunity. It was such a let down, because that first conversation had some really nice historical references, for example to Cesare Lombroso. And when I read it I was super excited to see how the author had used this historical theme to create fictional horror, and then it wasn't done, and it's such a shame.

[thefirstknife]

Ah, Mara. I only started playing relatively recently, so I don’t know the stuff from older content quite as well, but I have a massive soft spot for her because as an autistic person that grew up hardcore masking she gives me big Same Hat vibes. I don’t think she was actually meant to be read that way, but she seems like ‘very good at people in theory, kind of terrible in practice’, which is, shall we say, familiar to me.

When I was younger, I learnt how to read people pretty well, and subsequently how to act to get certain responses. But people don’t run on perfect ‘if a then b’ logic, and it took a while for me to understand that, and even longer to appreciate it. So, she sometimes feels like a (space fantasy immortal alien queen) version of my younger self - I hope someday she learns to enjoy people, rather than just working with / around them. Also, the whole thing with the Parasite exotic weapon was very funny.

Oh my god, I love this reading of her. That actually fits so well.

No clue if they intended these things, but yeah, masking is basically Mara's entire personality. She is always masking and putting up different personas for different people. You can only really see the real her in a few lore tabs where she reveals to be very anxious and fairly insecure.

She was like that as a human as well: she felt detached from the rest of the people and wrapped up in her own world. She also basically copied everything Alice Li was doing because she idolised her. Mara struggled with connecting to other people and understanding how to properly engage with them. It started from a young age when she asked her own mother to not be a mother to her (and Osana obliged instead of helping her child).

Even with people closest to her, she starts off with masking. The best example I can think of is when she goes to Sjur to tell her the truth about how she created the Awoken. And she starts off very formally, while Sjur is being really casual.

Last of all Mara went to Sjur Eido. Sjur was making a list of incredibly stupid and fatal tasks to post on a Guardian bounty board. "I want to tell you the truth," Mara said. "Ask me a question."

"If you take any positive integer and halve it if it's even, but triple it and add one if it's odd, and you repeat this process forever, will you always, eventually, reach one?" Sjur Eido demanded.

"Sjur, my faithful Wrath," Mara said, "please take my openness seriously. Though I'm sure Illyn could answer your math problem."

"Okay." Sjur looked at her curiously. "Then here's my question. What's gotten into you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Can we walk?" Mara asked her.

Note how Sjur is relaxed and teasing, while Mara is talking like she's addressing an official at the court. She is stressed and insecure and trying to appear as the regular Queen Mara to protect herself.

But Sjur knows her. And Sjur sees through the mask. The lore tab after this one is fully just about the two of them talking. Mara confesses the truth. Sjur tells her almost word for word what Alis Li told her ("You are the devil."). And then Sjur just kinda says "Okay. Anyway. What's up really?"

Mara is also struggling with actually telling Sjur which Sjur recognises and uses the "officials at the court" language and phrasing to get it out of Mara:

"Do you want to tell me?"

"No," Mara says. "But I think I have to."

"Okay. Your Majesty, what did you do that made Alis Li throw blackberry tea in your face?"

That's when Mara says it. And she's utterly afraid of Sjur's reaction, except Sjur doesn't hate her for it and Mara is then struggling to figure out how is that possible.

"You're the devil," Sjur says. "You're the lone power who made death. You allowed the possibility of evil. You might be responsible for more preventable suffering than anything that has ever existed."

Mara cannot shake her head or even nod.

"Well," Sjur says, "if you hadn't, none of us would be here. I guess I don't see what else you could've done, if you cared about those we left behind. If you wanted us to be able to go back and help in the fight." She leans forward and very gently kisses the inside of her helmet, where it meets Mara's: in her mind, in that place that is bound to all other Awoken, Mara feels the touch of gentle lips.

Mara is stunned with fear when she hears Sjur's first set of statements, but then Sjur continues and doesn't really care that much about it and then the helmet kiss happens which is honestly one of the most events in entire lore.

She definitely made changes recently, especially while working with the Guardian. I think we made her more relaxed. The Parasite quest was SO good for this. Her confusion during Dawning when we give her cookies also makes more sense through this lense. Her mask almost slips, but also she can't control how much it means to her that we would do something like this for her (firmly cradling the cookies).

Oh I'm gonna be thinking about this interpretation of Mara for the rest of my life.

[blockgamepirate]

I think the biggest missed opportunity with the Dream SMP story might actually be the way they kinda completely dropped the actual Dream SMP faction from the plot entirely?

I guess it still technically exists but like, it just has no relevance? At all? It seems like every now and then Eret tries to make it mean something and everybody just ignores them. Idk.

And I feel like there was SO MUCH build up and potential that was wasted because of this.

(Content warning for some criticisms of the canon Dream SMP storyline, even though I do actually like it in many ways, yada yada, disclaimer: I don't actually hate the DSMP, obviously, and these are just my subjective opinions which other people might not agree with at all and that's valid)

1. This is actually my biggest criticism of Doomsday in the narrative sense. There was all this foreshadowing all throughout "season 2" of how Dream was going to use his power as the shadow leader of the Dream SMP to crush New L'Manburg, how that was supposed to be the whole reason why Tommy was exiled, and I thought it was going to be a whole big reveal where Techno was going to find out that there was this bigger threat out there that was worse and more powerful than New L'Manburg and that he'd been wrong to dismiss Dream as "just a guy".

But that just never happened, and Dream somehow along the way lost the support of EVERYBODY except Punz, and he in fact did become Just A Guy. For all his schemes (which... I still don't understand what their point was) and his personal power, he just kinda lost all his influence. And even now pretty much all he has going for himself is the book. Somehow Techno was retroactively proven right, and I might be a Techno apologist but I don't like that, actually, I feel like it was such a missed opportunity to complicate the story and make it more interesting.

Also Doomsday was frankly kind of anticlimactic from Techno's POV and I think what it desperately needed was a twist or a complication of some sort. I mean technically there were some for certain individual characters? I guess? But not for Techno and not anything that would have been relevant for like multiple perspectives rather than just one or two. It was so straightforward, they just fight for ages and the Doomsday trio win. It's big and impressive and there's lots of explosions and action, but it's not an interesting story. It needed a twist.

Idk, everything about the story just went into a much more individual and interpersonal direction. The big scale stuff and the societal and political aspects of the story which were a huge part of Wilbur's storytelling in the beginning got kinda left aside as an afterthought, and I just feel like it makes the plotlines less interlinked and less interesting. And it kinda ends up making a handful of popular characters the focus because there isn't a bigger story that everyone would contribute to.

2. Imagine if there had been an actual war between NLM and DSMP? Like all the drama of friends being stuck on opposite sides and everything, like there was a whole thing that was hinted at with Puffy struggling with the fact that she was already loyal to the Dream SMP, but Niki was with New L'Manburg, and how that might come between their love... and then it went nowhere and Puffy just kinda sided with New L'Manburg anyway. And it's not like Dream couldn't have played the destruction of the Community House agaist Tommy and New L'Manburg! It could have been a plausible rallying cry for the otherwise fairly uncommitted faction. And thrn LATER everyone finds out it was Dream all along, but only after the war already started and battles were already fought.

What the sequence of events here would be, I'm not sure. I might make a separate post about that.

3. While we're talking about factions, imagine if the Badlands had actually been a significant player too, like that could actually have been an interesting conflict with both Dream SMP AND the Badlands trying to become the dominant faction and New L'Manburg just trying to survive. It would also have made New L'Manburg a lot more sympathetic in comparison, rather than just being basically the only faction that anyone cares about.

4. Obviously Eret's entire character, I mean that one is kinda important. Like I said, they're the one who is ACTUALLY TRYING to make this faction still have relevance, it's just that nobody cares.

---

... Other than the Egg, I guess, but the Egg was just not given the weight it needed either. (I still think the Egg should have destroyed the entire Spawn area or made it unlivable for the un-egged people, that way it would have had a concrete effect on all or at least most of the characters, even those whose players didn't wanna get egged themselves.)

(Or something like that.)

And I just feel like Dream was a much more interesting character when he was the power behind the throne, when he was actually influential and respected and could leverage his influence into asserting control over the server. Now he's kinda just a comic book villain. He's just an individual bad guy who has like one minion and the only source of power he has is a magic book that can bring people back to life and it just feels like he could probably be easily beaten through the power of friendship if he actually showed up again. Idk, I just find this whole set up so boring. I guess maybe I'm just tired of fantasy nonsense conflict, I'd prefer something more grounded (which I feel the early plotlines kinda were, all goofiness and Minecraft logic aside.)

Maybe once we know more about Dream's actual plans it'll make more sense but I just doubt I'll be invested in it even then. This is just not how actual bad people act in real life, they don't throw away all their social power and go muahahaha I'm evil and intentionally get themselves locked up in prison for some unclear elaborate ploy to do.... something??? That's some Loki/Joker shit, that's what villains do in comic books and comic book movies. If someone does try that in real life they generally just kinda fail because these are not good ideas.

(The justification for the staged finale better be good enough to explain all that nonsense.)

---

I mean I guess it's partly just me being sad that so much of the stuff I was looking forward to and that I thought was going to be relevant somehow ended up getting dropped. Because I *liked* the direction I thought the story was going. I liked the Dream SMP vs L'Manburg thing, I liked the Badlands as a concept, I liked Niki's City as a refuge from all the factions and governments, I liked Techno as the anarchist terrorist, I liked Eret's power struggle over the Dream SMP faction with Dream, etc.

I'm not saying that the story couldn't have evolved from that, I'm fine with the focus and setting changing over time, I just wanted to see those themes actually pay off in some way first! I think the only one that actually did was the Techno thing. And even that could have benefited from things being more complex, like I said, and New L'Manburg not being literally the only country that's actually plot relevant.

But maybe that's just me, idk.